I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
