omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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