Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
