I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
