Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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