Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
