Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
