let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
