Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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