i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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