New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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