too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
