So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
