Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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