i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
