I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
