Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
