I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
