hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You can't special order awesome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
