i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's paint friendship bongs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
