WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
