I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
