he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
