he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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