the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
