who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
