there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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