Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are two peas in an std pod
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
