Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
