Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
