I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
even my farts smell like vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
