I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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