So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
