Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
