Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
