oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
