I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
