Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
