i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
