Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
