I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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