I just pynch a tree in the face
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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