The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
