I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
