I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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