so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
