glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
