drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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