It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
