i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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