When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
