Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize
