Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
