the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
