Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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