True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
