Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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