Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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