you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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